Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Blog Assignment #1- Between Generations
What makes a "good" parent? What are some of the common pitfalls in
parent/offspring relationships? Create a clear thesis about effective or
ineffective parenting and write
2-3 paragraphs incorporating support from any two of the following
stories from your textbook: "The Good Daughter" (p.8), "Breaking
Tradition"(pg.20), A Cabdriver's Daughter" (p. 11), and "A Pirate's
Life" (p.36).
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Martina Arce August 28, 2012 12:03 PM
ReplyDeleteWhen some people think their being "good" parent they don't realize their actually hurting their kids. In both stories " The Good Daughter" and "Breaking Tradition" their parents thought they were helping their kids by either showing them only the American way of living or only showing them one tradition and no other culture. In the end of both stories the girls realized that mixing two cultures is better then just knowing one.
In "The Good Daughter" a Korean girl grew up here in America. Her parents thought the best thing for their daughter and for them to be "good" parents is to only teach her the American culture. They Americanized her so much that she didn't even know how to pronounce her own last name. When questioning her parents as to why they never corrected her, they said she was American and it was no big deal that she didn't know the proper way. While letting her adapt so much to the American way they actually hurt their daughter by never teaching her where she came from and the Korean culture.
"Breaking Tradition" is a story of a girl whose mother breaks tradition and marries and African man. Her grandmother is a racist opinionated old women who never approved of her daughters marriage. Even though her daughter loved him, and she had kids with this man she would belittle this man in front of her daughter and grandkids. The grandmother could never see past her racism and her daughters breaking tradition that it hurt her family because they never felt accepted.
In both stories maybe mixing cultures would have been better then just teaching their children one; and that would have made them better parents. But in the end both girls in the stories realized that without their families teaching them this they wouldn't have learned what they know now.
Michelle Andrade
ReplyDeleteIn order to have a good relationship with anyone, communication is always key. When a parent tries to communicate with their child they build a strong relationship because they have trust, learn more about each other and understand their reasons for the choices they may make. When communication isn't used your child may steer in the wrong direction.
In the story "The Good Daughter" by Caroline Hwang the pitfall the parent was falling into was not talking to her daughter enough about their culture. There was no communication because the mother wanted the daughter to be more American then Korean. Although the daughter wanted to be more aware about her tradition, the mother not teaching her is pushing her daughter away, making her think she can't go to her mom to talk about certain things. But in the story "A Cabdriver's Daughter" by Waheeda Samady the father and daughter have such a strong relationship in which they can talk about anything. The daughter also looks up to her father and respects him even though the ones around her judge her dad and fit him into the typical stereotype of an Afghanistan man. The father spoke to her daughter about his past involving education and work which is why the daughter appreciates her father so much and knows he's a hardworking daughter.
Once a parent realized communication is what makes you a "good" parent is when they can fix or start a great relationship with their child. It's never too late to fix what you haven't done in the past, like the mother in "The Good Daughter". All a parent really wants is for their child to be successful but they must not forget they should also be there for their child and hope that their child is comfortable coming to them to talk about anything.
Suleybi Sanchez
ReplyDeleteA good parent is one who knows how to speak and listen to their kids, one who teaches good and most importantly one who can have a good communication with their kids. There are times when parents dont realize that instead of being good parents their actions are afftecting their kids in a negative way. There are also times when kids and parents have a strong communication they stay united an have a sense of trust between one another. " The Good Daughter" and "A Cabdriver's Daughter" are two good example of how the relationship are between parent and their kids.
In "The Good Daughter" the parent of Hwang a korean girl who was raised in the United States lacked the importance of communiction. They failed to communicate and educate her about her Korean culture. They thought the best for her was to assimilate to te american way.
In "A Cabdriver's daughter" the cabdriver and his daughter had strong communication which lead them to trust one another and kept them together. His daughter wishes that people dont judge him by his looks nor his culture but by the great father and person he is.
Both of these stories show how the lack of communication between parents and their kids can lead to dissapointments. Communicating with one another can keep them together and allow their kids to trust them.
Rachel Charvat
ReplyDeleteParenthood is just as subjective as it is personal and sensitive. There is no test to take or awards handed out after a child has reached adulthood that says “You Did a Good Job, Man!” Despite books that flood the shelves claiming to be the “Ultimate Parenting Guide,” such a thing does not exist. Perhaps the ultimate guideline for those in the role of “parent” is a critique of their own childhood. The idea of being a “good” parent is subjective and most parents just do the best the can wherever they find themselves. Of course there are a myriad of qualities that can be used to describe “good” parents; kind, patient, understanding to name a few. A good parent is not necessarily one that possesses every positive quality; a good parent is simply one with the best intentions. Parents that coddle their children will always be labeled as protective and overbearing, whilst on the other end of the spectrum, those that do not hug their kids are labeled as cold and stern. The argument as to whether any parenting tactic is effective or ineffective is completely invalid. Every single action taken or decision made by a parent absolutely affects a child, even the most vacant and artificial of parents leave impressions and all parenting is effective.
Parents raise their children with the best of intentions, as demonstrated by Caroline Hwang in her short story, The Good Daughter. Hwang is straddling two lives, one that her parents had planned for her and one that she believes will make her happy, while also trying to establish a cultural identity as an American Woman with Korean Speaking parents. Hwang doesn’t criticize her parents, as much as she attempts to understand them. After sacrificing their lives and moving to America in an attempt to create a better life for their family, her parents raised her as an American, they did what they thought was right. This doesn’t make them bad parents. Despite their daughter’s identity crisis, the Hwang’s had only the best intentions for their child. All parents have expectations, a child not meeting said expectations does not make a bad child; nor should a parents’ outrageous requests dictate whether or not they have done a “good” job.
Just as parents may criticize their children, most often take more than one moment to reflect inward and critique how they are doing and how their children take after them, how their relationship parallels a parents relationship with their parents. In Hwang’s story, her parents wanted to her to be as American as possible whilst still holding onto Korean values, such as marrying another Korean, they expected her to be like them, but better. In Janice Mirikitani’s poem, Breaking Tradition the author observes the parallels between a teenage version of herself and her teenage daughter. Both mother and daughter deny that they are like their mothers and Mirikitani acknowledges that with each generation, while parallels exist, enough changes emerge to slowly but surely Break Tradition. Mirikitani accuses her mother of telling her lies; that women should be silenced, displayed, and Mirikitani managed to break through some tradition, however she too is STILL silenced, the repetition of “I want to tell my daughter…” suggests that she is still holding onto these beliefs that were instilled in her by her own mother. And so perhaps the best method of parenting for Mirikitani is to remain quiet so as not to pass on these undesirable traits to her daughter. However, the accusation that either of these mothers may be “bad parents” is absolutely ridiculous and invalid considering that Mirikitani’s mother was simply doing was she thought was right, as Mirikitani did the same for her daughter.
The most major aspect of being a good parent in my opinion is understanding. To empathize with your child is probably the best thing you can do as a parent. Generation gaps can often make it difficult for a parent to put themselves in their child's shoes, but doing that is very important when building a relationship with them or settling conflict. Failing to do this is a major pitfall in parent/child relationships.
ReplyDeleteIn the poem "Breaking Tradition", the author is a mother who is able to put herself in her daughter's shoes. She is able to think back to the point in her life when she was her daughter's age, and could not relate to her own mother. Feelings her daughter is currently having towards her. She is able to recognize that her daughter is breaking tradition just as she did at that age.
In the story "The Good Daughter", the author is very conflicted because of a lack of identity and an inability to fulfill her dreams of being a writer. She felt that her parents' inability to empathize with her situation was the cause of this internal conflict. Her parents had left Korea for America for more opportunities, but did not let her make use of those opportunities the way she would have liked to. This lack of empathy and understanding left a huge gap in their relationship.
Ashley Figueroa
ReplyDeleteEffective parenting to parents can be seen as ineffective parenting to their offspring. There is no definition of a "good" parent. Even though there are a lot of books and guides, they will not guarantee that you will become a good parent. It is an ongoing learning experience and comes with common pitfalls in the parent/offspring relationship.
A generation gap is what separates us from our parents. Growing up in a different country comes with different morals and traditions that we see in today's society. For example, in the story "The Good Daughter" Korean tradition is to marry someone who is of the same background. That is common in most cultures but it isn't bizarre if you marry out of your race in today's society. In the poem, "Breaking Tradition" the author speaks of the different generations. In her mothers generation women were "small and powerless", in her generation where women were only useful in "kitchens, hospitals, and using ironing boards." Lastly in her daughters generation where there is "music, telephones, ruby lips, skirts and swaying to salsa." She addresses some differences in each generation and shows us how much society has changed.
As society continues to change, the generation gap becomes bigger and bigger. Effective parenting will be tougher and ineffective parenting will be seen more. The parent/offspring relationship will consist of more pitfalls but when their children become parents they will understand what their parents felt.
Sierra McKenna-
ReplyDeleteA “good” parent is a parent who loves and understands, one who is selfless and supportive. Many times, however, it is hard for a parent to fulfill all of these qualities, because of generation gaps. Gaps make it hard for a parent to understand their child’s motives or dreams, and quite often, they don’t support what they can’t understand. This is especially true in the essay, “The Good Daughter,” and the poem, “Breaking tradition. In both of these stories, the parents are selfless and try to understand, but to no avail.
In “The Good Daughter,” a Korean-American woman is questioning her cultural identity. She does not feel Korean because she has been Americanized, to the point where she cannot pronounce her name correctly. She does not feel American either because Americans “do not identify” with her. The reason she is confused is because her parents treat her like an American, but still expect her to be Korean. They never told her how to pronounce her name, and they sacrificed many things to move to America to make her childhood/life better, but they still expect her to marry a Korean man. As she states in her essay, Caroline Hwang is a “living paradox.” Her parents do not understand why this is such a big deal to her. Furthermore, when she goes to school for English literature and it doesn’t work out, her parents are disappointed, but Hwang feels like she has hit rock bottom. Her parents do not understand this because they wanted her to study law.
In “Breaking Tradition,” Mirikitani breaks tradition as a child. She denies she is like her mother. She does not partake in traditional Japanese ceremonies, or feel that women are “small and powerless” like she has been told. She broke the tradition of her mother’s generation and her mother did not understand. Now, her daughter denies she is like her. She is breaking the tradition of the last generation too, Mirikitani realizes at the end of the poem, just like she did. It is a cycle of rebellion and a pattern of misapprehension.
The ideology of "good" parenting can vary from household to household. Most commonly, a "good" parent must be understanding, have good communication skills, and be aware of there child's emotions. However, the common pitfall of parent/offspring relationships is that the parents aren't experts and learn as they go. They also have many different viewpoints due to growing up in a different generation and don't quite understand the social changes that have transpired throughout time. In both stories "The Good Daughter" and "Breaking Tradition" their parents have had effective and ineffective ways of parenting.
ReplyDeleteIn the story "The Good Daughter" the family moved to America for a better life and more opportunities. The daughters beliefs are completely different from her parents and her parents are not that understanding. Her parents want her to be a lawyer but she wants to choose her own destiny. Like many families, her parents are not understanding and lack an open line of communication.
The mother in the poem "Breaking Tradition" wants her daughter to have the same beliefs that she does. However, the daughter does not want to follow those beliefs and tries to disregard some of her families traditions. Her mother understands their similarities but knows she will not see them until she becomes a mother herself.
In both stories, the daughters believe they are not like their mothers. If the parents were more understanding to the problems their children are facing, more aware of the generation gap, and had an open line of communication with them they would of been more effective parents.
What is a good parent? Its not like we can self package and order a parent but what if we could? What would we want them to look like, be, and act? Would you order a new parent or would you keep the one your ancestry and faith has given you? Now no parent is perfect weather you have a movie star, a cabdriver or maybe an unspoken parent. You are who you are because of who they are.
ReplyDeleteA good parent is someone who maybe doesn’t qiet understand but is willing to listen or atleast try. Someone who is willing to sacerfice what they are used to, just to know it would create a future worth wild for their child. The Good Daughter by Caroline Hwang tells a story of her self when she was younger Korean American women. However back than she only looked upon herself as a Korean girl until one day when she realized she couldn’t even pronounce her name the correct way. First confused and angry with her parents for never correcting her. She soon understood it was part of what her parent sacerfised for her to have a future better than the one she would have had in Korea. Her parents did well trying there best for her however they only keep her in mind to an extent. She turned not only into a confused woman, but a missed placed one at that for she was not truly Korean and her parents didn’t want her to be a true American. She was only to marry a Korean where she only found love in American, disappointing either herself or her parents never finding a happy ending. Even when it came to education she found passion in writing and they wanted her to be a lawyer. Should she do everything her parents said considering they left everything for her or should they understand that maybe its putting to much pressure and it truly isn’t giving the best life that she could live.
Maybe the relationship needs to be stronger, the child understanding and seeing the work and dedication that went into everything the parent had done even if it were something as simple as saving extra money to making sure you had a good education no matter what. A Cabdriver’s Daughter written by Waheeda Samady illustrates just this. A girl who grows up understanding lives pains and mysteries drags along. Seeing all that was given to her and all that was given up for her. Her fathers’ long and hard past is inspiring to those who hear it however most judge the cover before hearing the story behind it. She has gotten far in life and people congradulate her. She believes that all her success should really be recognized to be creation of the fathers doing. A man who gave it all up, who even at points questioned if he was worth it. The parent who was this time around confused and lost. Something the daughter found wrong for she welcomed his differences and labels for she would take them as well. It didn’t truly matter what others thought just only that she knew and that she made her father understand how important he really is. She believes that if you look down on what she idolizes maybe the real person you should be looking down upon is on her.
Life has struggles weather it is the child or the parents difficulties of understanding. Relationships never will be the same for any child and any adult for struggles and success make them who they are. There is no “good parent” or “good child” it’s a state of mind in which the family member views another. There is no “common pitfalls” in any relationship for they are no more common than winter and summer. The only true pitfall with anyone is not giving someone a chance, listening, and trying to understand. All that anyone should ask for is to support one another and not to be againt another. Just remember who made you the way you are today and why, good and bad it made you who you are and that should be good enough for anyone and everyone.
Taylor Joy Miller, that is who I am.
A parent must always be in the role of fulfilling their child's needs. Many parents make the mistake - however unknowingly, and unconsciously - of using their children to gratify their own.
ReplyDeleteIt is worthwhile to mention here that the needs we are talking about are emotional rather than material. For, though a child may have all of her biological needs met (e.g. food, clothing, shelter) she ultimately needs the loving, emotional support of her mother and father to build a healthy self-image. This is shown very well by Caroline Hwang in her essay 'The Good Daughter'. Her parents raised her in America so she could achieve more than they had in Korea. Yet, they also expected her to marry a Korean man “and give them grandchildren who look like them.” Her parents’ demands on her, Hwang reveals, lead her to feel “displaced in the only country I know.” Waheeda Samady tells a different story in ‘A Cabdriver’s Daughter’. When she tells her father that her life is nothing but her books, he responds by encouraging her saying “it is the sign of a life worth living.” Her father nurtured the things she chose to do with her life rather than live vicariously through her.
We can see two different types of parenting in these essays and two very different results.
RYAN FARRELL
ReplyDeleteProper parenting is very important to the growth and psychological health of a child. . There are of course many beliefs on what ‘proper parenting’ is, and they vary from culture to culture, as well as person to person. Generally good communication between parent and child is essential to keeping their relationship healthy and strong. However, when this communication breaks down, it can be detrimental to the parent-child relationship. Sometimes parents unwittingly force their own dreams and ideals on their children, causing their children to pull away from them, or forever feel obligated to achieve the goals their parents have put in place for them. For example, in both “Breaking Tradition” by Janice Mirikitani and “The Good Daughter” by Caroline Hwang, it is clearly displayed that a lack of understanding between parents and their children can cause feelings of resentment, dissatisfaction, and loneliness.
In the case of Caroline Hwang in “The Good Daughter,” she feels obligated to fulfill her parents’ dreams for her, regardless of whether or not it makes her feel miserable. Her parents moved to the United States from Korea to provide a better life for her, and raised her to be “American.” Although her parents perceived her as all-American, she did not feel as if she was, and other Koreans didn’t seem to see her as one of their own either. Her confusion is perfectly personified in the line “You can’t even speak your own name.” She felt her own sense of identity disintegrating, stuck between two very different cultures. This issue could have easily be avoided had Caroline and her parents had better communication with each other. Had she let her parents know what her own hopes and dreams were instead of feeling guilty because they had left Korea to give her a better life, she could have been much happier and more at ease. Just because her parents sacrificed a lot to give her a better life, doesn’t mean she’s indentured to their will. Everyone is entitled to try to live out their own dreams, no matter how wild.
Also, in the poem “Breaking Tradition” by Janice Mirikitani, the need for communication is expressed by Janice. She longs to be able to open up to her daughter, and for her daughter to open up to her, unlike the relationship that Janice and her own mother had. She describes her daughter as having ‘secretive eyes that avoid her own’ and ‘veiled behind music and smoke and telephones.’ I see this as a typical relationship between a mother and her teenage daughter. Her daughter is always on the phone or listening to music or creating some other barrier that stands in the way of her mother trying to communicate with her. The line “I do not know the contents of her room” symbolizes the alienation the mother feels from her daughter. Had this mother and daughter had better communication skills, the mother wouldn’t know so little about her daughter, and her daughter wouldn’t know so little about her.
In both stories, a lack of communication is displayed between both Caroline Hwang and her parents, and Janice Mirikitani and her daughter. This causes emotional distress for Caroline and Janice, and they both experience feelings of alienation. Communication is key to proper parenting, and without it, the relationship suffers. These examples of the lack of communication between parent and child prove that a lack of understanding leads to emotional distress.
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ReplyDeleteEvery parent believes that they know what is best for their children. Even though it may seem obviously wrong or incredibly different than what other parents may do they do it because they believe it will help their children. “Breaking Tradition” and “The Good Daughter” are stories that feature parents and children of different cultures living in America. The overt want by the parents to be American or unwillingness to adapt American customs are what created the confusion and isolation within their children.
ReplyDeleteCaroline Hwang from “The Good Daughter” is an example of strict loyalty to one’s parents in obeying their wants and desires. Her parents, especially her mother, want her to live an American life unlike the one she may have lived had their family not emigrated from Korea many years prior. Their desire for American tradition is so great that when Hwang is unable to pronounce her last name she is told how it is not necessary for her to be able to. However, Janice Mirikitani from “Breaking Tradition” is a woman whose situation varies quite differently from Hwangs, in that the problem is her daughter wants to break the tradition her Japanese heritage implies she must have. Janice is happy to see her daughter mirror a breaking of tradition she may once have committed.
The stories feature the mixing of cultures and the effects it has on the development of children experiencing it. Denying heritage is never the solution but refusing the accept change is also not right. It is the balance of both that creates the wealth of knowledge a person from another culture will have for the rest of their life. This is something that parents of such children need to know if they wish to be effective parents.
Kevin Darrah
ReplyDeleteA "good" parent is a father and a mother that are willing to do anything for you. Willing to be by your side, to comfort you when needed the most, and to help you get through any predicament. One of the most important things a parent can give their child is the sense of being loved. A huge common pitfall between a parent and a offspring is lack of communication, when not trying to get to know your child or understanding what they want to do with their life. In the story "The Good Daughter" her parents wanted her to go to law school but after a while of doing what her parents wanted instead of what she was in to, it became unacceptable to even go against or dissapoint her parents.
The story "A Cabdriver's Daughter" is about a women that is very proud of her father and even with all of the stereotype leading towards where she is from, she knows they dont understand what her and her family have been through. This connects to what Ive stated in paragraph one about having a sense of being loved. She looks up to her father and wants to be reflected off of his image even though people dont see her like that. "We are the same, but we are separated. People dont see him in me. I wish they would". This clearly shows how she see her father not as a taxidriver, but a respectable man she loves.
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ReplyDeleteJessica Dopaco
ReplyDeleteWhat makes a good parent can be a question that has an endless answer. Every parent has a different relationship with their child, some better than others. Communication is key to building a strong relationship. With communication parents can teach their children right from wrong, and even give advice to them to help understand certain situations.
In "A Cabdriver's Daughter" by Waheeda Samady the portrayal of a great father to daughter relationship is clearly evident. The daughter looks up to her father,and couldn't be prouder of who he has become. Although society judges her father with many different stereotypes, she sees beyond what others see. She is one that carries pride of her father and of her culture. As for the story "The Good Daughter" by Caroline Hwang, the parents had secluded Hwang from her Korean culture being that she lived in America. Since she lived in America her parents considered her all American. By alienating their daughter, their relationship lacked the communication she needed and was emotionally deteriorating her within.
When a parent has good communication skills with their children, the child feels more at ease with themselves as well as with their parents. With good communication, children also feel as though they can come forth with their concerns or questions to their parents. A strong relationship allows more opportunity for your childs success.
Every parent has their own way of raising their children. When some of them result in success , some of them end up ineffective. Both stories “ The Good Daughter ” and “ A Cab Driver’s Daughter ” tell us about two different ways of parenting , effective and ineffective.
ReplyDeleteIn the story “ The Good Daughter “ Hwang is the Korean girl who does not now much about her culture. The story tells us about how her parents did not teach her enough about Korean language and traditions. For instance, A Korean woman asked Hwang her name and she could not understand if Hwang was from Korea or China, because of her not saying the same correctly. This shows us that her parents did not teach or show her better about their own traditions and life styles. Hwang was taught to live like an American culture and did not even know how to pronounce her name correctly. Her parents thought that this wouldn’t be a problem that she doesn’t know much about being Korean. However, they did not realize that her assimilation to American culture hurt her.
The story “ A Cab Driver’s Daughter ” shows a daughter and a father relationship. They have a strong communication. Also Waheeda knows what her dad has been through and always respects him for his past. They can talk about anything and the father tells her about the education. The reason why Waheeda and her dad has a good relationship is that her father made her realize that he supports her and wants her success. He also made it comfortable for her to talk to him about anything.
A “GOOD” parent listens to their child and respects his or her wishes regardless if they are not what the parents want them to pursue. Yes, there are parents that will oppose but that does not make them good parent. It makes them rather controlling. In the stories “A Good Daughter by Caroline Hwang” and “A Cabdriver’s Daughter by Waheeda Samady” the parents both share something and that is traveling to world adjusting to their customs and manage to live from there forth to continue a better life. As well as being immigrants. Yet, they’re parenting skills differ from each other.
ReplyDeleteThe story “A Good Daughter” is about an American girl raised by Korean parents. This girl is confused and doubted by the fact that she cannot pronounce her own name. She feels lied to and unsatisfied to what her parents expect of her. They want her to be someone in life yet, she doesn’t know much about her culture. So they assume she is going to marry a Korean man and be successful in what they want her to be which is to study law. Meanwhile, her interest of success is to be a writer. The pitfall her parents made was that they didn’t demonstrate communication and compassion in the relationship of they’re daughter. In Caroline’s position she wonders “What if her parents did teach her more about her culture? Would she be happier?” In the end she devastates her parents and disappoints them and announces herself as a “living paradox.”
The essay “A Cabdriver’s Daughter” is an interesting piece because, unlike the other story “A Good Daughter” Waheeda would rather give up all her dreams and success just to show how much she appreciates her father in helping her get so far in life. My opinion, this man raised his daughter right as well as her siblings. She claims that he deserves all the credit for her success if it weren’t for all his stories about life, working endless nights to provide for his family and so forth. “If he is going to be labeled, then give me those labels too.”
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